Again much time has gone by since I last posted. It is difficult. However, mother said something interesting today that I wanted to share.
I went to see her in the early morning and I asked if she'd had breakfast. She said yes, but it wasn't very good. I suggested we'd go get her some hot chocolate, which I know she loves. She said she had given up chocolate. "Why?" I asked. "Because there is no use to it, it is just for my enjoyment". I spent the next few minutes trying to convince her that enjoying something is a good thing. I don't think I got through.
She also said she doesn't wear her nice clothes because she worries that others do not have nice clothes to wear. I asked how having nice clothes hanging in the closet and not enjoying them helped those who didn't have nice things to wear. She did not respond.
Once again she has shown me a choice I do not want to make.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Thursday, August 26, 2010
It's been a while since I've taken the time to post anything. I have mostly felt so drained after visiting with mother, but the last couple of days have been a gift, a miracle. She has felt fairly well and her mind has been clear. It's been hard to leave her because I know it won't last and I want to enjoy this time as much as possible.
She has fallen several times lately, mostly early morning when she gets up before getting her first parkinson's med. We try to get her to call for help, but she forgets.
As usual, her dreams have been very vivid. She has gone on walks with Isis, had visits from relatives far away (like Conchi), married some of my married children off again. Can't distinguish between reality and dreams. Also she personalizes things. A friend came to visit who is struggling with some other health issues. After, mother told me how it was she who had all these illnesses and that many tests were done and they had all came back positive that she is very ill. I guess her own illness is not enough.
Nina took her shoe shopping and it was an ordeal, finally had to bring her back and just bring some shoes in for mother to try on. After more than a week she is finally wearing her new shoes today. She has not wanted to come over for dinner. I think she is more anxious in the afternoon, so it is too much to leave the clinic. However, this morning I brought her over to our house and she watched me as I worked in the kitchen, almost an hour. She wanted to go back, but did not get panicky. I'll have to aim for short morning outings.
I imparted the news that her brother had died, she took it well.
She has fallen several times lately, mostly early morning when she gets up before getting her first parkinson's med. We try to get her to call for help, but she forgets.
As usual, her dreams have been very vivid. She has gone on walks with Isis, had visits from relatives far away (like Conchi), married some of my married children off again. Can't distinguish between reality and dreams. Also she personalizes things. A friend came to visit who is struggling with some other health issues. After, mother told me how it was she who had all these illnesses and that many tests were done and they had all came back positive that she is very ill. I guess her own illness is not enough.
Nina took her shoe shopping and it was an ordeal, finally had to bring her back and just bring some shoes in for mother to try on. After more than a week she is finally wearing her new shoes today. She has not wanted to come over for dinner. I think she is more anxious in the afternoon, so it is too much to leave the clinic. However, this morning I brought her over to our house and she watched me as I worked in the kitchen, almost an hour. She wanted to go back, but did not get panicky. I'll have to aim for short morning outings.
I imparted the news that her brother had died, she took it well.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Mother's mental deterioration seems to be speeding up. Her lucid moments are brief.
Last Friday afternoon I got a call from the care center, mother had gone outside and when they brought her back in she became very angry and aggressive, physically fighting with the nurses, even throwing things. I was an hour away so my son, Aaron, went over. She was sitting by the nurses station, pointing and yelling at the nurses. They'd given her medication, but it wasn't helping.
Mother wanted to go to the school next door, so Aaron walked with her. She tried the doors and when she found them locked, she became very anxious, hyperventilating and crying out. Aaron picked her up and she calmed down, he carried her back to her bed and she slept for a while.
Mother was wild again later, would not sit still. Nina tried to calm her. She hid her shoes, in hopes that this would keep her from going outside.
Even at 8 PM, after quite a bit of medication, she was still railing against "these people who had tried to restrict her from doing what she wanted to do, and of course she was not about to allow such thing". It was amazing to see how much energy she had and how well she was moving, yet not making much sense in what she said. Every so often she would look for her shoes, wanted to "go somewhere".
Mother could not understand why we were all so concerned. All she had done was go for a walk with Isis, to the church. (Isis is 2000 miles away).
Next day she was very restless again, but not aggressive. She received medication. Sunday she came to our house for dinner but wanted to go back to the clinic immediately after. However, she wanted me to know she liked being at the house.
Last Friday afternoon I got a call from the care center, mother had gone outside and when they brought her back in she became very angry and aggressive, physically fighting with the nurses, even throwing things. I was an hour away so my son, Aaron, went over. She was sitting by the nurses station, pointing and yelling at the nurses. They'd given her medication, but it wasn't helping.
Mother wanted to go to the school next door, so Aaron walked with her. She tried the doors and when she found them locked, she became very anxious, hyperventilating and crying out. Aaron picked her up and she calmed down, he carried her back to her bed and she slept for a while.
Mother was wild again later, would not sit still. Nina tried to calm her. She hid her shoes, in hopes that this would keep her from going outside.
Even at 8 PM, after quite a bit of medication, she was still railing against "these people who had tried to restrict her from doing what she wanted to do, and of course she was not about to allow such thing". It was amazing to see how much energy she had and how well she was moving, yet not making much sense in what she said. Every so often she would look for her shoes, wanted to "go somewhere".
Mother could not understand why we were all so concerned. All she had done was go for a walk with Isis, to the church. (Isis is 2000 miles away).
Next day she was very restless again, but not aggressive. She received medication. Sunday she came to our house for dinner but wanted to go back to the clinic immediately after. However, she wanted me to know she liked being at the house.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Bits and pieces
The other day Mamina was confused about who was Aldo. Eventually she remembered he was her husband. Today she thought the night nurse, whose name is Skyler, was my son. When I explained they just had the same name she said, "I thought he had changed a great deal".
One day she told me she'd fallen twice. I was surprised and checked with the nurse. It was her roommate that had fallen.
Her roommate Julia has a frequent visitor that looks like mother's sister in law, Argelia. Mother assumes it is Argelia and her brother visiting their grandmother, every time Julia's son and his wife come.
Mamina told me someone had taken her walker and Nina had gotten very angry, fighting and swearing at everyone. Not the Nina I know.
Sunday when I called she told me she couldn't talk because she was eating dinner at Nina's. "See you tomorrow" she told me, and hung up. Turns out she had refused to go to Nina's that day.
On a positive note, she attended an art class and painted a little bird house. She said she knew I would be pleased.
One day she told me she'd fallen twice. I was surprised and checked with the nurse. It was her roommate that had fallen.
Her roommate Julia has a frequent visitor that looks like mother's sister in law, Argelia. Mother assumes it is Argelia and her brother visiting their grandmother, every time Julia's son and his wife come.
Mamina told me someone had taken her walker and Nina had gotten very angry, fighting and swearing at everyone. Not the Nina I know.
Sunday when I called she told me she couldn't talk because she was eating dinner at Nina's. "See you tomorrow" she told me, and hung up. Turns out she had refused to go to Nina's that day.
On a positive note, she attended an art class and painted a little bird house. She said she knew I would be pleased.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Funny moment
Mother complains about Julia being bossy, but what I see as I visit is mother trying to run Julia's life. The other day Mamina kept telling Julia to "take a rest, sleep you've been sewing all day". Julia did not take kindly to this, she angrily asked how she was bothering mother then she caught my eye to indicate with a twirling finger to the temple that mother was crazy. I had to concentrate not to laugh out loud.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Last Sunday Mother refused to go to Nina's for dinner. I tried also, unsuccessfully. She didn't feel well. As the week progressed she felt better, but began to have vivid hallucinations again.
She told me she had not been able to sleep because the whole clinic was waiting for a plane from China. The pilot's mother is at the center. They'd had a big meeting and everyone was waiting. Had I heard anything about it, she wanted to know. Another day she "had been taken to jail because the government (I think she was back in Communist Cuba) wanted to know why she had such a nice house and business" (meaning the care center). They'd "let her go because she was old".
Thursday and Friday she was extremely lucid, most of the time. Even remembered the airplane story as a dream. After a while though, she told me that the Asian lady who walks around the center is being punished. "She did something against the government back in China and now her punishment is to walk and walk non stop". The boss who makes this little lady do this is a woman at the center. Then she said, "maybe I'm that woman". Then she said that maybe she makes up these stories to entertain herself. I was amazed she realized this.
Then came Sat. I was in SL with A, S and family. Isis called from Florida. The care center had called Isis, mother had gone missing and the police had brought her back, minutes after they noticed she was gone. I got there as soon as I could. Mother did not remember leaving. She thinks someone was with her (I'm thinking guardian angel?) and "they" decided to approach a business establishment where the people helped them and called the police. One of the policemen spoke Spanish. She says they brought her to our house first, but we weren't here, so they took her to the Nursing facility. I am not sure if the part about coming to our house is real. The nursing staff says she was very distraught when she got back, couldn't even walk (as often happens when she is suffering an anxiety attack), but by the time I got there she was fine.
Mamina says she feels bad that she broke the promise she made us to not to leave the center alone again. She says that even as she was walking she was thinking about it, but she can't remember why she left. I guess any promise she makes when in her right mind goes out the window along with her mind.
She told me she had not been able to sleep because the whole clinic was waiting for a plane from China. The pilot's mother is at the center. They'd had a big meeting and everyone was waiting. Had I heard anything about it, she wanted to know. Another day she "had been taken to jail because the government (I think she was back in Communist Cuba) wanted to know why she had such a nice house and business" (meaning the care center). They'd "let her go because she was old".
Thursday and Friday she was extremely lucid, most of the time. Even remembered the airplane story as a dream. After a while though, she told me that the Asian lady who walks around the center is being punished. "She did something against the government back in China and now her punishment is to walk and walk non stop". The boss who makes this little lady do this is a woman at the center. Then she said, "maybe I'm that woman". Then she said that maybe she makes up these stories to entertain herself. I was amazed she realized this.
Then came Sat. I was in SL with A, S and family. Isis called from Florida. The care center had called Isis, mother had gone missing and the police had brought her back, minutes after they noticed she was gone. I got there as soon as I could. Mother did not remember leaving. She thinks someone was with her (I'm thinking guardian angel?) and "they" decided to approach a business establishment where the people helped them and called the police. One of the policemen spoke Spanish. She says they brought her to our house first, but we weren't here, so they took her to the Nursing facility. I am not sure if the part about coming to our house is real. The nursing staff says she was very distraught when she got back, couldn't even walk (as often happens when she is suffering an anxiety attack), but by the time I got there she was fine.
Mamina says she feels bad that she broke the promise she made us to not to leave the center alone again. She says that even as she was walking she was thinking about it, but she can't remember why she left. I guess any promise she makes when in her right mind goes out the window along with her mind.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I think Mamina's anxiety might be partly brought on by the confusion she's experiencing. She can tell her mind is not functioning properly and it scares her, makes her feel lost and out of control.
Yesterday she told me she had not been able to sleep because there was a little white dog that came in, then there were little girls running around all through the night. When she realized it was all a dream she felt even more confused. She said she couldn't think, wanted me to read her mind and figure it out for her. It is so sad.
Later she said she was thirsty but didn't want to drink because then she would have to go to the bathroom and it's too difficult. I asked why it was difficult and she said it was hard to get to the bathroom because "the kids were sleeping all over the floor". I pointed out that was not the case and she said it was like that during the night. More dreams and hallucinations.
She wanted to sit by me but thought Nina would not like that (?)
She seems to feel poorly in the morning, then midday she feels pretty well, after 4 PM she becomes very confused.
Yesterday she told me she had not been able to sleep because there was a little white dog that came in, then there were little girls running around all through the night. When she realized it was all a dream she felt even more confused. She said she couldn't think, wanted me to read her mind and figure it out for her. It is so sad.
Later she said she was thirsty but didn't want to drink because then she would have to go to the bathroom and it's too difficult. I asked why it was difficult and she said it was hard to get to the bathroom because "the kids were sleeping all over the floor". I pointed out that was not the case and she said it was like that during the night. More dreams and hallucinations.
She wanted to sit by me but thought Nina would not like that (?)
She seems to feel poorly in the morning, then midday she feels pretty well, after 4 PM she becomes very confused.
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