Split Pea Soup

I made split pea soup last week, using Mother's recipe (which will be in our upcoming book) and it turned out wonderful! Mother loved it. I made quite a bit, so she had some the next day also. The day after I went to get the soup from the refrigerator to warm it so we could finish it, but it wasn't there. I asked my husband and my son. Jason thought maybe he had finished it up the day before when I warmed some up for him after school. "So what did you do with the pan?" I asked. He made some joke about maybe eating the pan because the soup was so good.

I asked Mother but she didn't know either and I knew the pan was too heavy for her to carry. I was very busy so I decided I'd search for the pan later, thinking Louis or Jason had probably washed it and put it some place different than usual.

A couple of days later Mother told me she had found the split pea soup. It was in her refrigerator. She didn't remember how it had gotten there, but she had been enjoying it. We still don't know how she managed to carry the heavy pan down the stairs.

Mother was herself again!

Today, for a time, mother was herself again.

Mother knew Isis was grieving the loss of her beloved dog Dakota, and she was once again a mother wanting to help her daughter. Her mind was very clear and she asked me to take her to Isis and got all dressed up because she thought we were going to a hospital and she wanted to be respectful and honor Dakota. She was thinking of others, not just her own needs. As we drove she noticed people along the way and made comments, something she has not done for a long time.

She told me afterwards that she had wanted to go cook for Isis, clean her house. I remembered the many times she showed her love for us by doing just that, helping when we needed her. Later she realized she really wasn't able to do much cooking or cleaning any more. I think she felt discouraged. Such a sad day, but it was good to have mother with us again for a bit.

Arm chair adventures

My son Jason says that his grandmother reminds him of the grandmother in the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", except she does not dress all in black.

A few weeks ago mother came to find me, very excited. "I'm back" she announced proudly. I asked where she had been and she said, "Africa". Turns out pirates had kidnapped her and our little dog Poco, but they had fortunately gotten away!

The doctor says one of her medications produces hallucinations. It's fun when her adventures end happily.

Dreaming while awake

If Mother is not staying with me I call her at least once a day. I called her as usual on Friday and we spoke for a few minutes. She seemed lucid, but said that she had been dozing when I called because she had not slept well the previous night. Two hours later my phone rang, but I was unable to answer. When I checked she had left a voice mail saying "well, at least your message machine answers even if you don't....it's the only way I hear your voice". I called her back and asked what was wrong, she said she was fine. I asked if she remembered that we had spoken 2 hours earlier, she said she wasn't sure. I then asked why she had left the message saying that I wasn't speaking with her. She answered that she must have had a dream while awake in which I was not talking to her!

Roses

Years ago I gave mother a prime spot in our yard to do as she pleased and she planted roses which she tended with great care, with our father's help. She loved her roses so much that she sometimes referred to them playfully as "her other daughters". In the last few years I've pruned the roses as she watched and directed me. This is a painful process because she was meticulous and it took a lot of time and pricks by the thorns. Yesterday was a beautiful day and I decided it was time to tackle the job. I asked her to come outside and direct me. She was not interested.

I was angry as I clipped and pruned and her "other daughters" bit my arms with their thorns. I decided to cut them way back, much more than my mother would have allowed when she cared. Who cares if they don't come back, nobody cares now. It felt good to hack at them. What's the use of trying to preserve something that no longer matters? Maybe I'll pull them all up and plant something else.

A little respite

Mother (and father until he passed away 3 years ago) have lived in our basement for over 20 years. She now spends most of her time upstairs with us. For some reason she doesn't always like to be in the same room with us, so she will sit just outside the office where I spend most of my days working and every so often she'll ask "are you there?" I'm pretty laid back and I let her do as much as possible for herself. We go through most days rather peacefully.

Last week my husband and I took our son and his friends on a little vacation. Isis took mother to stay at her home the day before. All through that day I would sigh in relief every few minutes, as I realized I was off duty and didn't have to check on mother. I didn't realize how much the responsibility had weighed on me. I needed that break.

Meanwhile here is what happened at Isis' house:

"My cell phone rings at 5:20 am, I automatically switch into emergency response mode...no one would be calling at that time unless it is urgent. I look at the phone and see that it is Mother calling. Her room is about 30ft from mine so if she is calling it must be BAD. I race to her bedside and find her calmly sitting on her bed with the bedside table lamp on. I ask what is wrong, she replies that she needs me to turn off the lamp because she can't figure out how to do it. I become angry because she has awakened me so early on what will be a difficult work day. I yell at her that if she can figure out how to turn on the lamp, she should be able to turn it off too. I go bad to bed feeling awful at my outburst and pray to find compassion." Isis

Shopping Challenge

We set out on a visit to Wal-Mart to get some things she needed. Our time was limited because we had not brought her meds and her next dose was due in 40 minutes. I had my list and was making my way down the aisles as efficiently as possible; she was pushing the grocery cart to steady her progress. When I turned back from finding something on a shelf she was disappearing around the corner pushing the cart. It was several minutes before I caught up to her with my arms full of groceries...she was several aisles away. I asked her why she had left my side and she said that she had seen me walk away and was trying to follow me.
I felt like putting a harness and leash on her!

Mother doesn't usually get up till after 8 AM, but this morning I found her at the top of the stairs just after 7 AM. She could barely move and needed help to sit down. The 7 AM dose of her Parkinson's medication had not yet taken effect. We've asked her repeatedly to please wait in bed until the medication takes effect, to avoid a fall, but she doesn't remember.

Two days ago she felt dizzy while watching TV. She wanted to lie down, but didn't think she could make it to her bed. She could have called us to come help (she always carries her phone in her pocket), but instead she made her way stiffly up the stairs and asked Jason to put her to bed. He took her carefully back down to her room.

When I asked her why she made the trek up the stairs instead of calling us to help her take the short walk to her room, she said all she could think of is that she wanted company.

Yesterday evening she came upstairs asking to be put to bed again. She had gone to bed a couple of hours earlier, so I asked what was wrong. She said she couldn't remember where her room was, as we questioned her further she admitted she was afraid.