It's been a while since I've taken the time to post anything. I have mostly felt so drained after visiting with mother, but the last couple of days have been a gift, a miracle. She has felt fairly well and her mind has been clear. It's been hard to leave her because I know it won't last and I want to enjoy this time as much as possible.
She has fallen several times lately, mostly early morning when she gets up before getting her first parkinson's med. We try to get her to call for help, but she forgets.
As usual, her dreams have been very vivid. She has gone on walks with Isis, had visits from relatives far away (like Conchi), married some of my married children off again. Can't distinguish between reality and dreams. Also she personalizes things. A friend came to visit who is struggling with some other health issues. After, mother told me how it was she who had all these illnesses and that many tests were done and they had all came back positive that she is very ill. I guess her own illness is not enough.
Nina took her shoe shopping and it was an ordeal, finally had to bring her back and just bring some shoes in for mother to try on. After more than a week she is finally wearing her new shoes today. She has not wanted to come over for dinner. I think she is more anxious in the afternoon, so it is too much to leave the clinic. However, this morning I brought her over to our house and she watched me as I worked in the kitchen, almost an hour. She wanted to go back, but did not get panicky. I'll have to aim for short morning outings.
I imparted the news that her brother had died, she took it well.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Mother's mental deterioration seems to be speeding up. Her lucid moments are brief.
Last Friday afternoon I got a call from the care center, mother had gone outside and when they brought her back in she became very angry and aggressive, physically fighting with the nurses, even throwing things. I was an hour away so my son, Aaron, went over. She was sitting by the nurses station, pointing and yelling at the nurses. They'd given her medication, but it wasn't helping.
Mother wanted to go to the school next door, so Aaron walked with her. She tried the doors and when she found them locked, she became very anxious, hyperventilating and crying out. Aaron picked her up and she calmed down, he carried her back to her bed and she slept for a while.
Mother was wild again later, would not sit still. Nina tried to calm her. She hid her shoes, in hopes that this would keep her from going outside.
Even at 8 PM, after quite a bit of medication, she was still railing against "these people who had tried to restrict her from doing what she wanted to do, and of course she was not about to allow such thing". It was amazing to see how much energy she had and how well she was moving, yet not making much sense in what she said. Every so often she would look for her shoes, wanted to "go somewhere".
Mother could not understand why we were all so concerned. All she had done was go for a walk with Isis, to the church. (Isis is 2000 miles away).
Next day she was very restless again, but not aggressive. She received medication. Sunday she came to our house for dinner but wanted to go back to the clinic immediately after. However, she wanted me to know she liked being at the house.
Last Friday afternoon I got a call from the care center, mother had gone outside and when they brought her back in she became very angry and aggressive, physically fighting with the nurses, even throwing things. I was an hour away so my son, Aaron, went over. She was sitting by the nurses station, pointing and yelling at the nurses. They'd given her medication, but it wasn't helping.
Mother wanted to go to the school next door, so Aaron walked with her. She tried the doors and when she found them locked, she became very anxious, hyperventilating and crying out. Aaron picked her up and she calmed down, he carried her back to her bed and she slept for a while.
Mother was wild again later, would not sit still. Nina tried to calm her. She hid her shoes, in hopes that this would keep her from going outside.
Even at 8 PM, after quite a bit of medication, she was still railing against "these people who had tried to restrict her from doing what she wanted to do, and of course she was not about to allow such thing". It was amazing to see how much energy she had and how well she was moving, yet not making much sense in what she said. Every so often she would look for her shoes, wanted to "go somewhere".
Mother could not understand why we were all so concerned. All she had done was go for a walk with Isis, to the church. (Isis is 2000 miles away).
Next day she was very restless again, but not aggressive. She received medication. Sunday she came to our house for dinner but wanted to go back to the clinic immediately after. However, she wanted me to know she liked being at the house.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Bits and pieces
The other day Mamina was confused about who was Aldo. Eventually she remembered he was her husband. Today she thought the night nurse, whose name is Skyler, was my son. When I explained they just had the same name she said, "I thought he had changed a great deal".
One day she told me she'd fallen twice. I was surprised and checked with the nurse. It was her roommate that had fallen.
Her roommate Julia has a frequent visitor that looks like mother's sister in law, Argelia. Mother assumes it is Argelia and her brother visiting their grandmother, every time Julia's son and his wife come.
Mamina told me someone had taken her walker and Nina had gotten very angry, fighting and swearing at everyone. Not the Nina I know.
Sunday when I called she told me she couldn't talk because she was eating dinner at Nina's. "See you tomorrow" she told me, and hung up. Turns out she had refused to go to Nina's that day.
On a positive note, she attended an art class and painted a little bird house. She said she knew I would be pleased.
One day she told me she'd fallen twice. I was surprised and checked with the nurse. It was her roommate that had fallen.
Her roommate Julia has a frequent visitor that looks like mother's sister in law, Argelia. Mother assumes it is Argelia and her brother visiting their grandmother, every time Julia's son and his wife come.
Mamina told me someone had taken her walker and Nina had gotten very angry, fighting and swearing at everyone. Not the Nina I know.
Sunday when I called she told me she couldn't talk because she was eating dinner at Nina's. "See you tomorrow" she told me, and hung up. Turns out she had refused to go to Nina's that day.
On a positive note, she attended an art class and painted a little bird house. She said she knew I would be pleased.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Funny moment
Mother complains about Julia being bossy, but what I see as I visit is mother trying to run Julia's life. The other day Mamina kept telling Julia to "take a rest, sleep you've been sewing all day". Julia did not take kindly to this, she angrily asked how she was bothering mother then she caught my eye to indicate with a twirling finger to the temple that mother was crazy. I had to concentrate not to laugh out loud.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Last Sunday Mother refused to go to Nina's for dinner. I tried also, unsuccessfully. She didn't feel well. As the week progressed she felt better, but began to have vivid hallucinations again.
She told me she had not been able to sleep because the whole clinic was waiting for a plane from China. The pilot's mother is at the center. They'd had a big meeting and everyone was waiting. Had I heard anything about it, she wanted to know. Another day she "had been taken to jail because the government (I think she was back in Communist Cuba) wanted to know why she had such a nice house and business" (meaning the care center). They'd "let her go because she was old".
Thursday and Friday she was extremely lucid, most of the time. Even remembered the airplane story as a dream. After a while though, she told me that the Asian lady who walks around the center is being punished. "She did something against the government back in China and now her punishment is to walk and walk non stop". The boss who makes this little lady do this is a woman at the center. Then she said, "maybe I'm that woman". Then she said that maybe she makes up these stories to entertain herself. I was amazed she realized this.
Then came Sat. I was in SL with A, S and family. Isis called from Florida. The care center had called Isis, mother had gone missing and the police had brought her back, minutes after they noticed she was gone. I got there as soon as I could. Mother did not remember leaving. She thinks someone was with her (I'm thinking guardian angel?) and "they" decided to approach a business establishment where the people helped them and called the police. One of the policemen spoke Spanish. She says they brought her to our house first, but we weren't here, so they took her to the Nursing facility. I am not sure if the part about coming to our house is real. The nursing staff says she was very distraught when she got back, couldn't even walk (as often happens when she is suffering an anxiety attack), but by the time I got there she was fine.
Mamina says she feels bad that she broke the promise she made us to not to leave the center alone again. She says that even as she was walking she was thinking about it, but she can't remember why she left. I guess any promise she makes when in her right mind goes out the window along with her mind.
She told me she had not been able to sleep because the whole clinic was waiting for a plane from China. The pilot's mother is at the center. They'd had a big meeting and everyone was waiting. Had I heard anything about it, she wanted to know. Another day she "had been taken to jail because the government (I think she was back in Communist Cuba) wanted to know why she had such a nice house and business" (meaning the care center). They'd "let her go because she was old".
Thursday and Friday she was extremely lucid, most of the time. Even remembered the airplane story as a dream. After a while though, she told me that the Asian lady who walks around the center is being punished. "She did something against the government back in China and now her punishment is to walk and walk non stop". The boss who makes this little lady do this is a woman at the center. Then she said, "maybe I'm that woman". Then she said that maybe she makes up these stories to entertain herself. I was amazed she realized this.
Then came Sat. I was in SL with A, S and family. Isis called from Florida. The care center had called Isis, mother had gone missing and the police had brought her back, minutes after they noticed she was gone. I got there as soon as I could. Mother did not remember leaving. She thinks someone was with her (I'm thinking guardian angel?) and "they" decided to approach a business establishment where the people helped them and called the police. One of the policemen spoke Spanish. She says they brought her to our house first, but we weren't here, so they took her to the Nursing facility. I am not sure if the part about coming to our house is real. The nursing staff says she was very distraught when she got back, couldn't even walk (as often happens when she is suffering an anxiety attack), but by the time I got there she was fine.
Mamina says she feels bad that she broke the promise she made us to not to leave the center alone again. She says that even as she was walking she was thinking about it, but she can't remember why she left. I guess any promise she makes when in her right mind goes out the window along with her mind.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I think Mamina's anxiety might be partly brought on by the confusion she's experiencing. She can tell her mind is not functioning properly and it scares her, makes her feel lost and out of control.
Yesterday she told me she had not been able to sleep because there was a little white dog that came in, then there were little girls running around all through the night. When she realized it was all a dream she felt even more confused. She said she couldn't think, wanted me to read her mind and figure it out for her. It is so sad.
Later she said she was thirsty but didn't want to drink because then she would have to go to the bathroom and it's too difficult. I asked why it was difficult and she said it was hard to get to the bathroom because "the kids were sleeping all over the floor". I pointed out that was not the case and she said it was like that during the night. More dreams and hallucinations.
She wanted to sit by me but thought Nina would not like that (?)
She seems to feel poorly in the morning, then midday she feels pretty well, after 4 PM she becomes very confused.
Yesterday she told me she had not been able to sleep because there was a little white dog that came in, then there were little girls running around all through the night. When she realized it was all a dream she felt even more confused. She said she couldn't think, wanted me to read her mind and figure it out for her. It is so sad.
Later she said she was thirsty but didn't want to drink because then she would have to go to the bathroom and it's too difficult. I asked why it was difficult and she said it was hard to get to the bathroom because "the kids were sleeping all over the floor". I pointed out that was not the case and she said it was like that during the night. More dreams and hallucinations.
She wanted to sit by me but thought Nina would not like that (?)
She seems to feel poorly in the morning, then midday she feels pretty well, after 4 PM she becomes very confused.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
When I got there to see Mamina today, mid afternoon, she was outside her room, having one of those moments when she can barely move. She'd had her medication, so it had to do with anxiety. She said she'd been thinking of "escaping" but had changed her mind and now couldn't figure out how to get back in her room.
She had dinner with us on Sunday and wanted to go right back to the care center. I kept trying to delay her going back, trying to engage her in conversation, but not even an offer of dessert persuaded her. By the time we took her back she was very anxious and didn't recognize her room. (She also didn't recognize my house). It took quite a while to calm her. I need to remember this and take her back as soon as she asks.
Meanwhile, she has told me the last couple of days that she and her roommate Julia (for some reason she calls her Luisa) are now friends. Julia had wanted to get in bed with mother, to stay warm, but Mamina didn't like that.
She had dinner with us on Sunday and wanted to go right back to the care center. I kept trying to delay her going back, trying to engage her in conversation, but not even an offer of dessert persuaded her. By the time we took her back she was very anxious and didn't recognize her room. (She also didn't recognize my house). It took quite a while to calm her. I need to remember this and take her back as soon as she asks.
Meanwhile, she has told me the last couple of days that she and her roommate Julia (for some reason she calls her Luisa) are now friends. Julia had wanted to get in bed with mother, to stay warm, but Mamina didn't like that.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Better again
We've had some difficult days. First Mother went on a "walkabout". At 1 AM one morning the staff at the Care Center discovered she was missing. Mother cannot remember why or how she went outside in the middle of the night. She remembers trying to get back in and not being able to. She was frightened and didn't know whether to hide in darkness or stay in lighted areas as she walked around, cold, legs hurting. They found her a block away, heading towards a busy street. I shiver to think what could have happened if she had gone out in the middle of the night while still at home. We won't have known she was gone till morning.
Last week Mother broke out in hives. She was miserable. We wondered if perhaps she was reacting to the detergents they used at the Care Center, so we took all her clothes home and rewashed them. The hives continued to spread, beyond where her clothing touched her body. We finally realized the hives had started after a couple of days of a new medication to help with anxiety, we had that stopped and it has cleared up.
There was also a problem with her medication which has to be administered at very specific times. We met with the administration and they responded immediately, moving Mother to a wing where she is receiving more attention. She was separated from her roommate Julia for a couple of days. Mother was too sick to notice, but Julia cried.
They are now together again and we can tell Mother is herself again by the funny happenings. When I got there yesterday afternoon she was trying to figure out how to hide behind the dividing curtain, I thought out of modesty because she was just wearing a night gown and Julia's son was visiting. Nope, that wasn't it, she didn't want Julia to see her and come to her side to talk! I got her some fresh cold water so Julia asked her son to get her some also. He left and Julia peeked around the curtain to talk to me. When I turned back to Mother her face was distorted, eyes big, something in her cheek that she seemed to be having trouble swallowing. I was concerned because the Parkinsons can make it hard to swallow if she hasn't had her medication. I asked what was in her mouth, she won't respond, then she was back to normal. At this point I was very concerned, trying to figure out what had been wrong. She told me that if her face is normal, Julia talks to her but if her face is distorted she leaves her alone! Nina had further funny experiences I hope she'll post.
Last week Mother broke out in hives. She was miserable. We wondered if perhaps she was reacting to the detergents they used at the Care Center, so we took all her clothes home and rewashed them. The hives continued to spread, beyond where her clothing touched her body. We finally realized the hives had started after a couple of days of a new medication to help with anxiety, we had that stopped and it has cleared up.
There was also a problem with her medication which has to be administered at very specific times. We met with the administration and they responded immediately, moving Mother to a wing where she is receiving more attention. She was separated from her roommate Julia for a couple of days. Mother was too sick to notice, but Julia cried.
They are now together again and we can tell Mother is herself again by the funny happenings. When I got there yesterday afternoon she was trying to figure out how to hide behind the dividing curtain, I thought out of modesty because she was just wearing a night gown and Julia's son was visiting. Nope, that wasn't it, she didn't want Julia to see her and come to her side to talk! I got her some fresh cold water so Julia asked her son to get her some also. He left and Julia peeked around the curtain to talk to me. When I turned back to Mother her face was distorted, eyes big, something in her cheek that she seemed to be having trouble swallowing. I was concerned because the Parkinsons can make it hard to swallow if she hasn't had her medication. I asked what was in her mouth, she won't respond, then she was back to normal. At this point I was very concerned, trying to figure out what had been wrong. She told me that if her face is normal, Julia talks to her but if her face is distorted she leaves her alone! Nina had further funny experiences I hope she'll post.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Blessings
Mother seems so much better emotionally! She is enjoying the interaction with so many caring people, and she likes her room and the food. Her only complaint was that she didn't get to shower one day. No full blown anxiety attacks since she entered the Care Center. She does get anxious in the evenings, but I've been able to calm her down and put her to bed easily.
This morning she told me she'd slept well till 5 AM when Missy came by to see her on her way to the beach. ????? Missy was asleep at her house then, about 60 miles away. She was also going on about how nice it was to have Aaron helping her get to the bathroom the other night. Aaron lives in a different state. She wanted to know when he'd gotten back from Spain. Oops, wrong grandson. I'm glad even those far away are visiting and taking good care of her!
Then there is her roommate Julia. The only other Latina in the place. Actually they were aquainted years ago, their husbands were good friends. We are so happy to have them together. Julia's family visits a lot also, so they will both have more company!
Some funny stuff going on. My mother complains that Julia is bossy, tells her not to go for a walk around the center "the marauders will get you because you are naked" says Julia. Another time my mother didn't want to go walk with me, because Julia might need her. When I insisted that Julia would be fine, the nurses or CNAs could help her, then mother said she couldn't leave because Julia might go through her stuff. While my mother is in the bathroom, Julia comes over and straightens her bed. She is in a wheel chair, yet was offering to help my mom last night, when mother had trouble walking.
Here is the funniest, tonight Julia's son told me that his mother thinks that our mother sleeps so much because she has a drinking problem! They had just gotten back from an outing and Julia asked me about mother. I said I was leaving because she was asleep. "I think she had a little refreshment", says Julia while making a gesture with her hand indicating someone having a drink!
This morning she told me she'd slept well till 5 AM when Missy came by to see her on her way to the beach. ????? Missy was asleep at her house then, about 60 miles away. She was also going on about how nice it was to have Aaron helping her get to the bathroom the other night. Aaron lives in a different state. She wanted to know when he'd gotten back from Spain. Oops, wrong grandson. I'm glad even those far away are visiting and taking good care of her!
Then there is her roommate Julia. The only other Latina in the place. Actually they were aquainted years ago, their husbands were good friends. We are so happy to have them together. Julia's family visits a lot also, so they will both have more company!
Some funny stuff going on. My mother complains that Julia is bossy, tells her not to go for a walk around the center "the marauders will get you because you are naked" says Julia. Another time my mother didn't want to go walk with me, because Julia might need her. When I insisted that Julia would be fine, the nurses or CNAs could help her, then mother said she couldn't leave because Julia might go through her stuff. While my mother is in the bathroom, Julia comes over and straightens her bed. She is in a wheel chair, yet was offering to help my mom last night, when mother had trouble walking.
Here is the funniest, tonight Julia's son told me that his mother thinks that our mother sleeps so much because she has a drinking problem! They had just gotten back from an outing and Julia asked me about mother. I said I was leaving because she was asleep. "I think she had a little refreshment", says Julia while making a gesture with her hand indicating someone having a drink!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
June 9th
I went back to see Mother yesterday evening. She was wearing a hospital gown and couldn't tell me why. The nurse told me Mother had requested the gown, so they had complied. Mother asked me to change her back into her own night gown and put her to bed. When I went back again an hour later, she was sound asleep. What a relief.
Mother called at 6:15 this morning, while I was getting ready to leave. She was distraught and wanted "to tell me where she was so I could come and get her" and that she was hungry. She gave the phone to the CNA who told me Mother had been asking for us all night. I told her about the hungry part, so the CNA got her a snack. I cancelled my plans and went over. Mother had not had her Parkinson's meds, so she could barely move. I sat with her for a couple of hours, until the medications took effect and she'd had breakfast. After that I helped her into bed and she went right to sleep.
Nina just called to report that this afternoon Mother was cheerful, walking around, getting acquainted with her surroundings and the people. She said she'd had a wonderful night's sleep. ?????
Mother called at 6:15 this morning, while I was getting ready to leave. She was distraught and wanted "to tell me where she was so I could come and get her" and that she was hungry. She gave the phone to the CNA who told me Mother had been asking for us all night. I told her about the hungry part, so the CNA got her a snack. I cancelled my plans and went over. Mother had not had her Parkinson's meds, so she could barely move. I sat with her for a couple of hours, until the medications took effect and she'd had breakfast. After that I helped her into bed and she went right to sleep.
Nina just called to report that this afternoon Mother was cheerful, walking around, getting acquainted with her surroundings and the people. She said she'd had a wonderful night's sleep. ?????
Sad day
Yesterday we moved Mother into the nursing home. Well, Isis and Nina did the actual moving (and all the research and paper work also).
I have been praying for clarity, to know what would be best. I got it as I watched Mother have severe anxiety attacks Saturday and Sunday. We gave her as much medication as possible, herbs, homeopathics, EFT and everything else we could think of to calm her, but it still took 3 and 4 hours. Her pulse was normal and strong and her color was good, but she felt like she was suffocating.
The first time this happened was in January, we called the paramedics, took her to the hospital where they did all kinds of tests and told us it was an anxiety attack. Even in the middle of her panic she did not want to go back to the hospital.
It was awful watching her suffer. I figured if it was exhausting for me, it must have been hellish for her. I didn't want her to go through that again. Hopefully they can manage the condition at the care center, so that she doesn't have to.
I feel so sad.
I have been praying for clarity, to know what would be best. I got it as I watched Mother have severe anxiety attacks Saturday and Sunday. We gave her as much medication as possible, herbs, homeopathics, EFT and everything else we could think of to calm her, but it still took 3 and 4 hours. Her pulse was normal and strong and her color was good, but she felt like she was suffocating.
The first time this happened was in January, we called the paramedics, took her to the hospital where they did all kinds of tests and told us it was an anxiety attack. Even in the middle of her panic she did not want to go back to the hospital.
It was awful watching her suffer. I figured if it was exhausting for me, it must have been hellish for her. I didn't want her to go through that again. Hopefully they can manage the condition at the care center, so that she doesn't have to.
I feel so sad.
Danger
Last week was pretty good for Mother. Our daughter Missy and her cute baby were visiting us and mother loved watching the baby toddle around. The only problem was a day when the baby was teething and fuzzy, requiring a lot of attention. My mother was anxious. She would try to help or demand attention, especially from Missy. Mother wanted Missy to get her food, put her to bed, etc.
The helping was even more disturbing. Mother brought her medications to Missy, wanting to give some to the baby, " to make him feel better". So grateful that she tried to enlist help, and didn't just give him one of her anti anxiety pills. I had not realized the danger.
The helping was even more disturbing. Mother brought her medications to Missy, wanting to give some to the baby, " to make him feel better". So grateful that she tried to enlist help, and didn't just give him one of her anti anxiety pills. I had not realized the danger.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Unexpected results
The roses I chopped down a few weeks ago are doing wonderful. What I thought would harm them has helped them thrive.
Perhaps it will be like that with mother. I have been against considering a care center, but she really and truly does need more care than I can provide. There are times when she freezes, her body won't respond. Other times anxiety overwhelms her. She is terrified to be alone, wants us with her 24/7. I could do that for a limited time, but not indefinitely. I have a husband, children, grandchildren, work.
Yesterday, during a lucid moment, she told me that she would like to be in a nursing home. My son reminded me it's not about what I want, it's about what she needs. Is this what would be best for her?
Perhaps it will be like that with mother. I have been against considering a care center, but she really and truly does need more care than I can provide. There are times when she freezes, her body won't respond. Other times anxiety overwhelms her. She is terrified to be alone, wants us with her 24/7. I could do that for a limited time, but not indefinitely. I have a husband, children, grandchildren, work.
Yesterday, during a lucid moment, she told me that she would like to be in a nursing home. My son reminded me it's not about what I want, it's about what she needs. Is this what would be best for her?
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Breakthrough
I have not posted for a while because I haven’t known how to express my frustration with Mother, with myself. Her anxiety attacks are coming more and more often. Pretty much daily and always worse if we are busy and not giving her enough attention. A couple of nights I have gone to bed feeling rather disappointed in myself, because I have not been patient with Mother, even spoken to her harshly as she demands more and more attention. I think there is still a little girl inside of me that can’t comprehend why her mother is gone and she has to care for this very demanding person who makes no sense. I want her to snap out of it!
Last night I was blessed with grace. My husband and I were in the middle of helping our son with a big service project. Mother had gone to bed around 6 PM, then got up about 9, very anxious. Looking for us, but not wanting to be with us or be still. Wanting us to help her, but not knowing with what. Something Louis said earlier came to my mind, about how she could not control how she felt any more than she could control the Parkinsons. I was able to step outside the situation, be objective and see her need.
I took her to bed, apologized for not understanding her plight earlier. She wanted to just look at me. She had a break through also, as she expressed that she needed to be understood and attended to. I gave her my full attention, was present with her and her need was filled quickly. Just like with a child, but it is so much easier for me to do this with a child.
Last night I was blessed with grace. My husband and I were in the middle of helping our son with a big service project. Mother had gone to bed around 6 PM, then got up about 9, very anxious. Looking for us, but not wanting to be with us or be still. Wanting us to help her, but not knowing with what. Something Louis said earlier came to my mind, about how she could not control how she felt any more than she could control the Parkinsons. I was able to step outside the situation, be objective and see her need.
I took her to bed, apologized for not understanding her plight earlier. She wanted to just look at me. She had a break through also, as she expressed that she needed to be understood and attended to. I gave her my full attention, was present with her and her need was filled quickly. Just like with a child, but it is so much easier for me to do this with a child.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
What's best for her?
I have been so against considering a care center for mother, but I'm beginning to question myself. This was a very busy week for me, lots of work that took me out of the house, plus Jason had track meets and other activities I needed to be at. I was gone everyday for many hours and mother was all alone. Luckily there were no mishaps, but she was very lonely. She is getting to the point where she needs 24 hour supervision, but she doesn't want me to get someone else to come "sit with her" while I'm gone. She says that would be stressful, like she has to entertain them, can't relax. Even with me she prefers to sit in a separate room, alone with her memories. She just wants to know one of us is here, and she wants food!
Friday, April 23, 2010
Split Pea Soup
I made split pea soup last week, using Mother's recipe (which will be in our upcoming book) and it turned out wonderful! Mother loved it. I made quite a bit, so she had some the next day also. The day after I went to get the soup from the refrigerator to warm it so we could finish it, but it wasn't there. I asked my husband and my son. Jason thought maybe he had finished it up the day before when I warmed some up for him after school. "So what did you do with the pan?" I asked. He made some joke about maybe eating the pan because the soup was so good.
I asked Mother but she didn't know either and I knew the pan was too heavy for her to carry. I was very busy so I decided I'd search for the pan later, thinking Louis or Jason had probably washed it and put it some place different than usual.
A couple of days later Mother told me she had found the split pea soup. It was in her refrigerator. She didn't remember how it had gotten there, but she had been enjoying it. We still don't know how she managed to carry the heavy pan down the stairs.
I asked Mother but she didn't know either and I knew the pan was too heavy for her to carry. I was very busy so I decided I'd search for the pan later, thinking Louis or Jason had probably washed it and put it some place different than usual.
A couple of days later Mother told me she had found the split pea soup. It was in her refrigerator. She didn't remember how it had gotten there, but she had been enjoying it. We still don't know how she managed to carry the heavy pan down the stairs.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Mother was herself again!
Today, for a time, mother was herself again.
Mother knew Isis was grieving the loss of her beloved dog Dakota, and she was once again a mother wanting to help her daughter. Her mind was very clear and she asked me to take her to Isis and got all dressed up because she thought we were going to a hospital and she wanted to be respectful and honor Dakota. She was thinking of others, not just her own needs. As we drove she noticed people along the way and made comments, something she has not done for a long time.
She told me afterwards that she had wanted to go cook for Isis, clean her house. I remembered the many times she showed her love for us by doing just that, helping when we needed her. Later she realized she really wasn't able to do much cooking or cleaning any more. I think she felt discouraged. Such a sad day, but it was good to have mother with us again for a bit.
Mother knew Isis was grieving the loss of her beloved dog Dakota, and she was once again a mother wanting to help her daughter. Her mind was very clear and she asked me to take her to Isis and got all dressed up because she thought we were going to a hospital and she wanted to be respectful and honor Dakota. She was thinking of others, not just her own needs. As we drove she noticed people along the way and made comments, something she has not done for a long time.
She told me afterwards that she had wanted to go cook for Isis, clean her house. I remembered the many times she showed her love for us by doing just that, helping when we needed her. Later she realized she really wasn't able to do much cooking or cleaning any more. I think she felt discouraged. Such a sad day, but it was good to have mother with us again for a bit.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Arm chair adventures
My son Jason says that his grandmother reminds him of the grandmother in the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", except she does not dress all in black.
A few weeks ago mother came to find me, very excited. "I'm back" she announced proudly. I asked where she had been and she said, "Africa". Turns out pirates had kidnapped her and our little dog Poco, but they had fortunately gotten away!
The doctor says one of her medications produces hallucinations. It's fun when her adventures end happily.
A few weeks ago mother came to find me, very excited. "I'm back" she announced proudly. I asked where she had been and she said, "Africa". Turns out pirates had kidnapped her and our little dog Poco, but they had fortunately gotten away!
The doctor says one of her medications produces hallucinations. It's fun when her adventures end happily.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Dreaming while awake
If Mother is not staying with me I call her at least once a day. I called her as usual on Friday and we spoke for a few minutes. She seemed lucid, but said that she had been dozing when I called because she had not slept well the previous night. Two hours later my phone rang, but I was unable to answer. When I checked she had left a voice mail saying "well, at least your message machine answers even if you don't....it's the only way I hear your voice". I called her back and asked what was wrong, she said she was fine. I asked if she remembered that we had spoken 2 hours earlier, she said she wasn't sure. I then asked why she had left the message saying that I wasn't speaking with her. She answered that she must have had a dream while awake in which I was not talking to her!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Roses
Years ago I gave mother a prime spot in our yard to do as she pleased and she planted roses which she tended with great care, with our father's help. She loved her roses so much that she sometimes referred to them playfully as "her other daughters". In the last few years I've pruned the roses as she watched and directed me. This is a painful process because she was meticulous and it took a lot of time and pricks by the thorns. Yesterday was a beautiful day and I decided it was time to tackle the job. I asked her to come outside and direct me. She was not interested.
I was angry as I clipped and pruned and her "other daughters" bit my arms with their thorns. I decided to cut them way back, much more than my mother would have allowed when she cared. Who cares if they don't come back, nobody cares now. It felt good to hack at them. What's the use of trying to preserve something that no longer matters? Maybe I'll pull them all up and plant something else.
I was angry as I clipped and pruned and her "other daughters" bit my arms with their thorns. I decided to cut them way back, much more than my mother would have allowed when she cared. Who cares if they don't come back, nobody cares now. It felt good to hack at them. What's the use of trying to preserve something that no longer matters? Maybe I'll pull them all up and plant something else.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
A little respite
Mother (and father until he passed away 3 years ago) have lived in our basement for over 20 years. She now spends most of her time upstairs with us. For some reason she doesn't always like to be in the same room with us, so she will sit just outside the office where I spend most of my days working and every so often she'll ask "are you there?" I'm pretty laid back and I let her do as much as possible for herself. We go through most days rather peacefully.
Last week my husband and I took our son and his friends on a little vacation. Isis took mother to stay at her home the day before. All through that day I would sigh in relief every few minutes, as I realized I was off duty and didn't have to check on mother. I didn't realize how much the responsibility had weighed on me. I needed that break.
Meanwhile here is what happened at Isis' house:
"My cell phone rings at 5:20 am, I automatically switch into emergency response mode...no one would be calling at that time unless it is urgent. I look at the phone and see that it is Mother calling. Her room is about 30ft from mine so if she is calling it must be BAD. I race to her bedside and find her calmly sitting on her bed with the bedside table lamp on. I ask what is wrong, she replies that she needs me to turn off the lamp because she can't figure out how to do it. I become angry because she has awakened me so early on what will be a difficult work day. I yell at her that if she can figure out how to turn on the lamp, she should be able to turn it off too. I go bad to bed feeling awful at my outburst and pray to find compassion." Isis
Last week my husband and I took our son and his friends on a little vacation. Isis took mother to stay at her home the day before. All through that day I would sigh in relief every few minutes, as I realized I was off duty and didn't have to check on mother. I didn't realize how much the responsibility had weighed on me. I needed that break.
Meanwhile here is what happened at Isis' house:
"My cell phone rings at 5:20 am, I automatically switch into emergency response mode...no one would be calling at that time unless it is urgent. I look at the phone and see that it is Mother calling. Her room is about 30ft from mine so if she is calling it must be BAD. I race to her bedside and find her calmly sitting on her bed with the bedside table lamp on. I ask what is wrong, she replies that she needs me to turn off the lamp because she can't figure out how to do it. I become angry because she has awakened me so early on what will be a difficult work day. I yell at her that if she can figure out how to turn on the lamp, she should be able to turn it off too. I go bad to bed feeling awful at my outburst and pray to find compassion." Isis
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Shopping Challenge
We set out on a visit to Wal-Mart to get some things she needed. Our time was limited because we had not brought her meds and her next dose was due in 40 minutes. I had my list and was making my way down the aisles as efficiently as possible; she was pushing the grocery cart to steady her progress. When I turned back from finding something on a shelf she was disappearing around the corner pushing the cart. It was several minutes before I caught up to her with my arms full of groceries...she was several aisles away. I asked her why she had left my side and she said that she had seen me walk away and was trying to follow me.
I felt like putting a harness and leash on her!
I felt like putting a harness and leash on her!
Mother doesn't usually get up till after 8 AM, but this morning I found her at the top of the stairs just after 7 AM. She could barely move and needed help to sit down. The 7 AM dose of her Parkinson's medication had not yet taken effect. We've asked her repeatedly to please wait in bed until the medication takes effect, to avoid a fall, but she doesn't remember.
Two days ago she felt dizzy while watching TV. She wanted to lie down, but didn't think she could make it to her bed. She could have called us to come help (she always carries her phone in her pocket), but instead she made her way stiffly up the stairs and asked Jason to put her to bed. He took her carefully back down to her room.
When I asked her why she made the trek up the stairs instead of calling us to help her take the short walk to her room, she said all she could think of is that she wanted company.
Yesterday evening she came upstairs asking to be put to bed again. She had gone to bed a couple of hours earlier, so I asked what was wrong. She said she couldn't remember where her room was, as we questioned her further she admitted she was afraid.
Two days ago she felt dizzy while watching TV. She wanted to lie down, but didn't think she could make it to her bed. She could have called us to come help (she always carries her phone in her pocket), but instead she made her way stiffly up the stairs and asked Jason to put her to bed. He took her carefully back down to her room.
When I asked her why she made the trek up the stairs instead of calling us to help her take the short walk to her room, she said all she could think of is that she wanted company.
Yesterday evening she came upstairs asking to be put to bed again. She had gone to bed a couple of hours earlier, so I asked what was wrong. She said she couldn't remember where her room was, as we questioned her further she admitted she was afraid.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)